Kurbaan quick review: Please, stop this meaningful cinema
Posted by Priya Ramani on Friday, November 20, 2009
After watching Kurbaan I now understand why all the posters for the film capitalize on the sexy bronzed skin of the two lead actors—there’s nothing else in this inane, regressive story.
The movie begins innocuously enough. Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan are the trendiest college teachers you’ve ever seen (but at least Khan doesn’t play a student like in Love Aaj Kal). He’s a Muslim, she’s a (badly dressed) Hindu. They fall in love over coffee and Kapoor’s seriously thick eye makeup. He’s aggressive, she’s coy. “Are you afraid of your feelings for me?” he wants to know.
They frolic amidst the picture perfect monuments of Delhi. Then Kapoor is offered a job in New York. Khan doesn’t believe in long distance relationships. So he comes up with the perfect solution: I’ll go with you. The dialogues (by Anurag Kashyap and Niranjan Iyengar) are unbelievably prosaic.
“What will I do there,” he asks?
“The same thing you do here,” she says.
“But what will I teach?” he says.
“We’ll think later,” she replies.
Half an hour into the movie, they’ve moved cities and married (after sidestepping some clichéd protests from her father about how he always wanted a Hindu boy for his Hindu daughter). So it’s bye-bye Delhi, hello Statue of Liberty.
Overnight, Kapoor abandons her dowdy Delhi ethnic clothing for trendy westernwear and looks so much more comfortable. The couple finds a house in a desi suburban neighbourhood that looks like a combination of a M. Night Shyamalan village and Wisteria Lane.
Then the spookiness begins. Less than one hour into the film, there’s a kahani main rather predictable twist. Everyone spouts inane dialogues about jihad, the Koran, America. Everyone says Allah Hafiz menacingly. Kirron Kher takes her Kabuliwala accent very seriously. And wipes her tears very dramatically. Om Puri is lovely as always but what is he doing here? And poor Khulbushan Kharbanda gets only a couple of scenes and one telephone conversation. He gets to spout this gem: “Mazhab se wafadari fundamentalism kab se ho gayi bhai?”
In the midst of all the mess, Vivek Oberoi pops up. They says it’s his make or break role. Break, I think. The director makes him speak in an American accent. So Oberoi rolls the occasional R. “Kya batau, Iraq’s a mess,” he says. Or “It looks like a typical case of domestic violence.”
As the mood turns black, the characters dress only in blacks, greys and browns. The film is shot beautifully. Most of the acting is not bad too. But the film lacks soul and a story.
The FBI is depicted as a bunch of complete idiots. They take four days to reconstruct a half charred face. They can’t find any clues from a burnt vehicle—why didn’t any of them think of calling the CSI guys. One lone FBI officer handles the entire climax.
“Did you know the Talban was a creation of the CIA,” Vivek Oberoi tells a class of students as dumb as his character. All real Muslims have “Mazhab ka saccha junoon” for those of you who didn’t know. That’s why 9/11 was successful.
There are lots of dark, tight, nicely-lit close-ups. My favourite was one of the last shots of Kapoor. Or even the one of Oberoi after he does something he’s never done before.
The sex scene comes only two hours into the film. Kapoor and Khan compete for the Best Back competition.
Before this movie I believed that New York was to Karan Johar what Switzerland was to Yash Chopra. Why would he make such an offensive film about his favourite city? Bas karo yeh meaningful cinema. Please give us a Kuch Kuch Hota Hai again.
Filed under Film · Tagged with Film review, Karan Johar, Kurbaan
Miss Ramani,
I think this is one post, where I whole heartedly support you.
Muaah, Muaaah…
I was laughing all the while reading this review, as I was genuinely shocked reading ET,Rediff wax eloquence about this film.
Soham
Nice review Priya!
agree with you with you on the pseudo meaningful cinema, is also a shame that the kurbaan promos are trying to capitalise being released close to the 26/11 anniversary.
Truly agree with your review. I think generally when it is a big banner and big stars the reviews tend to be biased, probably that’s why everywhere else its going all gung-ho about it. Finally the movie could have taken a stand that would have clarified the intentions rather than trying to create heroes out of nothing.
All the other reviews i read sounded like PR campaigns for the movie…this one comes straight from the heart…does any share my view that Kurbaan glorifies the terrorists and does little to bring out the cause of the modern educated liberal musilms, which the makers of film allegedly thinks is the idea behind making this movie…
The movie is not that bad. Very watchable and does keep you hooked through out. Lots of glaring holes in the script, but the production values are great. It is not a must watch but a “can be seen” type over a lazy weekend.
I definitely can’t digest another Kuch Kuch hota hai.
Third class movie with bull-dog faced Kareena and tired old man Saif. I spit at the movie and its horrible lead actors!!
Ha ha, Very good review.
Really, We don’t really want to see any so-called “meaningful” **** from Johars and Chopras.
Do what you do best. Make candyfloss romance flicks.
Make K3G Part 2. Or, KHNH 2.
Saala, har baar, Terrorism plot shuru hone se pahele, love-story dikhana jaroori hai kya?
hi, i really agree on your article today on which city is better .. its difficult choice is it Delhi snobbishness which judges you on size of the diamonds or bags one has and if you are nobody then do not figure in the scheme of any justice / or worthy for a say or Mumbai where there are people on edges of triangle, one which focussess on its means and just wants a reasonable local train , one which meets for page three parties and has views on all what is happening to the city but never votes and one which focusses on the “marathi” manus but does not bother to meet his needs for a day to day simple convenience.
By the way, that thing about another K2H2 was sarcasm, right? Right? Right??
Yes I thought so
Priya – Agree with most of what you said, except the beginning of your review which actually picked on some logical things. You cant wear the same clothes you wore in a Delhi summer (yes the sun was shining when she was there), in the greyness of New York – you may have noticed that everyone dressed warm in the movie. The movie actually started ok (in the same style as any non-meaningful film might). It actually started going South only a little before Kareena overheard the terror plot. Those good ol’ terrorist left that door open just so that Kareena could come in shake and quiver and screech on seeing Salma’s corpse. The problem with the movie was not that they made a meaningful movie – the problem was that they got it horribly wrong.
The movie had potential. But got botched by the director whose biggest mistake was to ask Vivek Oberoi to overact – he’s better off in playing roles similar to Company and Saathiyaa. Vivek did not need to try and sport an American accent or even try to be American. He would have done well in not shaking handbags vigourously and then taking out the bomb from that very handbag with such delicate handling. The theater was roaring in laughter for all of Vivek’s expressions (overacting). And then there was this fat white guy who works for the FBI, that just woke up after standing next to a bomb that exploded – I’m surprised he didn’t ask for morning tea after he woke up. And then there were one scene that was uncalled for. It was like this classroom debate about America versus Islam. After living here for a year, I’ve seen that people here resented Bush and knew exactly what he was doing and considered it wrong. For eg. I had never heard about Blackwater when I lived in India. Anyways back to the movie. I would recommend seeing this movie in the theater. You get to hear peoples comments and laughter. It’s very enjoyable. This movie isn’t for the kids, and I’m not talking about the whole Shiv Sena presenting Kareena with a Sari incident. Don’t worry about those type of scenes which Bollywood has found useful to promote their movies. But there is a lot of goriness in the bomb blast and shootouts.
bakwas! kurban is a gr8 movie..
Nice review Priya!
agree with you.
couldn’t agree more…god knows what’s gone wrong with the Raja Sen’s and Rajiv Masand’s of the world….I guess Karan Johar is too big a to speak against…anyway..this movie is absolute nonsense…just couldn’t stop cringing at the idiotic way in which the entire bombing bit in the last 40 min was handled…those who’ve seen even a half-decent western action flick would agree…I think the best performance was of Kareena…she has a very expressive face and uses it well (apart from the scenes where she’s being wooed by uncle saif)….the biggest let down was undoubtedly Vivek Oberoi…no wonder they chose to not include him in the film’s promotional material….all in all….a very depressing and meaningless film.
For me, the movie came apart in the second scene, when the so-called college principal introduces everyone as a professor. The fact that they didn’t bother to research tenure — something much simpler, surely, than sleeper cells — told me it was time to wilfully suspend disbelief, close my eyes to plot-holes large enough to swallow the NYC subway and watch yet another Bollywood flick aspiring to thriller status.
I don’t agree with the author’s view here that Kurbaan was a bad movie. It was a feasible plot, although with some holes and some unconvincing bits. The songs were distracting as well. The portrayal of Afghan muslims is not off the mark – it is, in fact, quite true to how they are – especially the illegal immigration problems, the restrictive women’s rights and honour killings that take place and that go unreported or miss the media spotlight and the close relationship between religious fundamentalists and extremism and violence. It is not a cliched plot, and is novel in parts. The movie is set in a post 9/11 world although not necessarily in the present day, and therefore the checks and balances that the NYPD had in place are not how they should be. The muslims’ justified umbrage at the attacks in Afghanistan is also portrayed. I think our country needs more such movies – that are not afraid to portray stereotypes so that they may be questioned and clarified – so that those of us who reject stereotypes only to be surprised by them when the moments of reckoning come, may wake up and smell the coffee and not throw the baby out with the bathwater, as far as understanding terrorism is concerned.
ooooh ! indian cinegoers still are at locations, barebacks, lead actors.
look at the theme, plot and its handling. d’silva and karan did a great job.
karan made it from the heart. he need not convert. he is already…………..
but karan has great brains.
talking against anti-american things is call of bread for most indian elite.
i rate this movie above mother india….. because a father saved his child not a mother killed her own.
i rate this movie above mugale azam….because their love stood the test of the world emperor.
now this is the best in hindi cinema.
stop comparing with s. ghai and y. chopra.
he made it for his faith. not to buy villas, us tours, pay deficits in rent, tax and interests.
at least keep quiet if you do not perceive.
but who can teach minds fed by media, eyes soar by urbanities,ears full with american shouts.
now you have a great opportunity. you can declare anyone praising this film as terrorist.
then you can rejoice at having served your dream country, if not own country.
Karon Johar, Yash Chopra — Meaningful movie. That’s a ROFLMAO.
Why u people are spreading rumours about a good movie?Nice performance once again from saif.The narration of story is I felt like …
implemented in a good way…i liked it.. Kareena looking good..
Karan johar has entered into new genres wid this n his attempt to change the stereotypical image of family oriented movies is seen in KURBAAN…the plot of the movie is very interesting n Vivek Oberoi has done gud work..
We want more movie from this pair….cool superbbbbbbbbb karan
Your review sounded like a hack job to me. A desperate attempt to be different as a film critic and project a more refined and intellectual view point. The movie was good & enjoyable cinema, as simple as that.
Rest all is cool…but lemme ask you priya…what is it EXACTLY that makes you plead Mr. Johar for another kuch kuch hota hai???
I hope he does’nt take your request seriously..:P
I thought the film would be a Fanna-meets-New York…looks like it was worse…thank you…the husband and i can score that one thing off our weekend list
For whatever the reason karan made this movie, i felt the movie has been edited nicely. Even though i couldn digest how and why Kareena falls for “I am so smart” kinda guy in no time and kissing him non stop at every 2 mins.. not sure.. Ya sure did notice her eye makeup n clothes.. but they looked nice on her alright… but she definitely didn look like a lecturer.. i still didn get it.. why lecturers?? she didn look old enough and then when she is back in NY, i never saw her gng to her college even for day, infact it was the so called Jobless Saif who kept gng to tat coll.. so thats a sure loop hope…
Vivek i guess, it sure is a make or break film for him.. pathetic accent, but he has carried out the character well… so guess, we can just afford to watch him deaf whenever he starts rolling his “R”s….
would have loved to see Diya mirza more.. she is so graceful and even with her small role she stood out well… her acting skills have for sure improved with time… Om Puri as usual.. has blend in his character so well.. tat its hard to believe he doesnt speak that tongue… i can never bear Kiron Kherr.. so wont even talk abt her.. can Farida Jalal pls come back.. i cant bear to see her and her overacting anymore…
Saif has dont a decent job.. this one guy really can blend into any character given to him.. be it Hum TUm where i loved him, or Race or Kurbaan.., i couldn understand why he spotted the mush when he already looked quite old.. never mind… but he is good in the movie.. whenever he is not flirting…
Kareen.. i never thought i would say this.. but she is amazing .. esp in the second half when he is in NY and her best is during the climax… its a pleasure watching her do intense scenes as she does it so naturally… but… first half.. is totally passable… sometimes u wonder if its the same gal playing both roles…
So my rating on this movie would be- a good watch,… its fast paced, so the movie is over before u doze off on ur chair.. which is good… so u can go watch in theater
Its a movie not a documentary …cinematic liberties r taken …. the movie is good n i can’t agree wth the author..
Also, hav u seen the muslim families abroad? I think teh problem is that Indian audience is not ready to see ‘real abroad’ …. they want to see mansions n loaded people. urggggggggg
rubbish review